depression mental health self care Self love

You Have Many Regrets, Don’t You? – (Part One)

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Right now, you might be angry. Maybe, you are bitter. Or, you’re a little bit of both, shit. lol.

Well, I am not going to tell you that that is not okay. However, I am not going to tell you that it is okay to be angry and bitter, either.

It is just human. Maybe, you had a really bad year in 2018, and you couldn’t give less than -1 fucks about 2019 either. I feel you, TRUST ME.

In 2018, I started off the year in January with a short stint in Henry Ford Kingswood Psychiatric ward for almost a week, only to get hospitalized AGAIN the next month at St. Mary Hospital. Then, the month after that, I got fired from a job that I really liked and thought that I was excelling in – ONE WEEK before my birthday.

I asked the universe, “can it get any worse?!” Worst question to ever ask the sky, because that bitch laughed at me, and prepared to pull out a slew of non-stop magic tricks onto my life.

I gained an additional 30 pounds thanks to psychiatric and antidepressant medication, which puts me at a nice and nearly 230 pounds, and in the midst of all this, I battled six months of unemployment, alcohol and drug abuse, food addiction, seven suicide attempts, countless mental breakdowns, endless nights of crying and screaming in my car at night, and then, to find someone that I thought I might really like – only to be dumped before the holidays because he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant a month before dating me.

Here’s the funniest part: I found odd jobs since July, but I actually didn’t find another full time permanent position until October 29, 2018. Thus, I waited practically all year, only to bounce back at the very end. You might ask, am I mad?

Am I bitter about all of the things that have happened to me?

Well….let me be real and not lie on my blog. YES. I WAS. AS FUCK.

But now, I am not.

I am no longer walking around with the cloud of regret, pain and despair raining over my head. I realized that I deserved more.

I realized that I deserve to be happy. But I had to START ACTING LIKE IT.

And, so do YOU.

Next up, I’ll share some tactics and ways that I have used throughout 2018 that have helped me to start “acting like” I want happiness in my life. I am excited to share them with you. I hope that they will help you just as much as they do me.

2018 might have been really fucked up for you. But ask yourself:

Does that HAVE to be the excuse for why you are NOT HAPPY?

Really, does it?

Let’s ponder on that as we prepare for another complicated, challenging, blessed, unpredictable and triumphant year. 2019 is mine, and 2019 can be yours, too.

– Until the next blog πŸ™‚

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R.K.B. is an award winning self-published Author, Poet and Entrepreneur from Detroit, Michigan.

Visit her website to learn more, and stay updated on her upcoming works and events:Β http://www.intomywoods.comΒ !

About R.K.B.

For those who love poetry, writing, and daydreaming. Enjoy.

2 comments on “You Have Many Regrets, Don’t You? – (Part One)

  1. I love what you wrote about deserving to be happy. I am just listening to a talk on shame and if we are shame based we can feel we never deserve that happiness but we do and we can change by the choices we make, holding onto bitterness and resentment only keeps us unhappy in the end. Freedom lies in taking action to turn that all around to a more positive use.

    Liked by 1 person

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